I got some feedback from others, and it confirmed some of my own concerns. The lack of a chorus was questioned. I was questioning it myself. Just unsure. Plus the 3rd verse was no one's favorite, and I wasn't comfortable with it. I decided, for grins, to try a version with a more traditional verse/chorus structure. One of the things that meant was lengthening the original verses. I came up with this.
There's water in the canyons
And rain up in the hills
There's a rushing in the rivers
And lovers stranded up at the old mill
The old mill leaks like a sieve
And the roads are turned to mud
Wet hair hangs in her eyes
And rain pounds in your ears like blood
Wrap your arms around your baby
Hold on real tight
Ward against the Devil's laughter
And the witching light
There's a wind in the willows
And the sun gutters like a torch
Shadows race across the prairie
And silouettes watch from the porch
There's rain on the tin roof
And the creaking of the swing
She holds your hand like last hope
Water in the gutter sings
Wrap your arms around your baby
Hold on real tight
Ward against the Devil's laughter
And the witching light
Then I was stuck. Does it need another verse?
3 comments:
I think you can repeat the first verse. This seems a common tool and I don't think it is a cop out. Start strong. Finish strong.
I agree that it'll end with the first verse repeated. I'm worried its too short and too repititious if I repeat it after just one other verse.
It probably looks like I'm beating this to death, but I'm experimenting at something new.
So do you like the chorus version?
As a song, yes, I think I like the chorus version better.
Post a Comment